Open Letter to the Jerk Who Stole My Planner

Dear Asshole,

You found my day planner in the kiddie-seat portion of a Ralph's grocery cart last Wednesday. You neglected to turn it in to the management of the Ralph's--why? I can't imagine. There was nothing valuable in it, except, I think, five bucks in the back. Big whoopee.

But now I have to get a new planner and try to remember which appointments I had written down in the coming months. I have to hope that you don't bother anyone listed in my very scanty address list. (Have fun calling my endochrinologist and my kids' orthodontist.

Thanks for all the anxiety and frustration. It's just what I needed at this time of year.

I hope you have a crappy holiday.