Monday, April 09, 2007

Story: "Lost and Found" by Susan Breeden from the April 10, 2007 issue.

Tagline: J.D.'s wrong turn turned out just right for Lisa

What follows is an analysis of a Woman's World story with a mind toward what works and doesn't work for me as a writer, peppered with some personal opinion, too. :)

This story was well-crafted. Describing the physical traits of characters can be difficult in 1000 words, but she slipped in several references to J.D.'s appearance:

...confusion in his blue eyes.
...running a hand through his dark hair.
He smiled, and boy, did he have a gorgeous set of teeth! His puppy dog eyes lifted a little.

Also, she managed to tell the reader that Lisa is divorced while she described the situation with her gorgeous co-worker. Nicely done. And then, after quite a bit of narration, she brings us right back to the moment with a line of dialogue that reminds us what was happening when we left the action:

"I was going to throw in a piece of pie on the house, so there's no need for flattery."

Finally, there is a climax to the story when Lisa comes out of the bathroom to find J.D. has left. I think Woman's World stories always benefit from a climactic moment, even if it's low key. As I said, this story was well-crafted and even though I identified with Lisa, I wasn't particularly enthralled.

Best Part: "This seat offers the best view." Oh, I'd just melt if a guy said that to me. :) But as a lifelong wallflower, I'm a sucker for a compliment.

In My Humble Opinion I think this story deserved a catchier title.

Grade: B



Blogger Roxy Harte said...

Hmmm...not a hard core sell...but I can't to hear more about yours...ALL IN...good luck on great sales!

I'm a sucker for a poker player...
ahmmm, I'm going to go fantasize now;)

7:52 PM  
Blogger Kate Willoughby said...

LOL, Roxy. I just watched a poker tourney on TV last night and the men playing were NOT attractive. Kinda seedy and wearing sunglasses indoors. LOL. The World Poker Tour last week was much more appealing. 'Course four of the guys were in their twenties, which would make me feel like a cradle robber.

8:41 PM  
Blogger Anna J. Evans said...

Hey Kate! Thanks for another WW wrap up. I feel like I'm benefiting from your knowledge without actually having to buy the magazine, lol.

Posted some deep thoughts for you today :)

Hugs, Annna

4:47 AM  
Anonymous Susan Breeden said...

Hi Kate,
I just found this on the Internet. Thanks for reviewing my story. And I agree about the title. Titles can sometimes be the most difficult part for me, for some reason. ;-)

Susan Breeden

10:25 AM  

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