Feline Funny

Not up to writing my own poem this week, I resorted to snatching one off the Internet. This one made me snort. I'd credit the author if I knew his/her name.

You must scratch me there.

Yes, above my tail.

Behold, elevator butt.

Woof

This is a piece of art that never fails to amuse me. It's by Robin Eschner and it's called "Sally Always Wondered Whether She Was Adopted" (1990). I just adore the expression on Sally's face. It almost enough to convert me from a cat person to a dog person. LOL

Three More Days

My current contest is almost coming to a close. To win a free copy of my 2007 Eppie Award Finalist, Losing It, all you have to do is comment on my blog before March 1st. Anyone who is a member of my Yahoo Group is automatically entered. Good luck!

Story: "True Romance" by Carole Bellacera from the February 27, 2007 issue.

Tagline: Twenty-four years afer marrying Marty, Karen realized she'd made the right choice...

I am currently teaching an online class for romantic fiction writers who seek publication with Woman's World magazine. What follows is an analysis of the story with a mind toward what works and doesn't work for me as a writer, peppered with some personal opinion, too. :)

I think it's standard to write out numbers as words, but notice the number 27 in the first paragraph. :) Another sign that space is at a premium in these stories.

In these two lines, I thought Bellacera flirted with a racy factor that I don't often see in a WW story:

"Careful with the red ones. They'll make you crave my body."

"It was an innocent touch, but it reminded me of more intimate caresses we'd shared."

I found myself worrying about Karen when I read that she hadn't told Marty about the email or meeting. That's good. You want your reader to care about the characters.

Throughout the story Bellacera set up several things that she ties up neatly at the end of the story: the spare tire, lack of hair, the fact that Marty loves her lasagna, his cockney accent. That really helped it feel nice and tight at the end. I also liked the fact that Karen decided to tell Marty later about her clandestine meeting. I admired her for that honesty. All in all, this story was a fine example of showing Karen's character arc - how she grows as a person and learns a lesson about life and herself.

Best Part: "Karen, don't waste your time reading that junk!" That was when I'd had my first doubts about a future with him. Yeah! Romance novels are not junk! Jerk!

In My Humble Opinion: I found myself puzzled about the espresso machine. It felt like it was supposed to be significant somehow but that the important part had gotten edited out. Perhaps that was another complaint Karen had about Marty...that he was always buying new "toys." Or, it could just be me being weird. Maybe the espresso machine was just a reason for him to be in the kitchen thinking about dinner. :)

Grade: A-

Curious Minds

A blog visitor recently expressed some interest in my work-in-progress, having noticed my progress meter on the side. She loves wolves and wanted some details.

I recently submitted a story to Ellora's Cave, tentatively titled, ALL IN. In it, Mariah gets a visit from a fairy saying that she's entitled to have a wish she made a year ago come true. But when Mariah remembers what she wished for -- a torrid sequel to a one-night-stand she had with the World Poker Tour Champion, I.C. Tucker -- she's not sure if she's in for the ride of her life, or a giant dose of humiliation.

In ALL WOLF, the second of three stories, the wish fairy visits Mariah's friend, Paige Mahoney. Paige's wish was to make it with a hot, alpha male werewolf, just like the ones she reads about in romance novels. Trouble is, as hot and alpha as Adam is, she can't quite make herself believe he's a shapeshifter. Nor is she certain she really wants him to be.

Since I write by the seat of my pants from Chapter One to The End, no skipping around or plotting, I'm not sure how the story's going to end, except that everyone will be happy. That's always a given in my stories.

Hopefully my editor at EC will like ALL IN, which will pave the way for ALL WOLF and whatever the third ALL story ends up being. I'll announce her decision here when I find out!

Thursday Thirteen #3

Thirteen Yummy Candy "Bars"

1. Butterfingers - I love when the kids get these in their Halloween bags. They don't like them, but I sure do!
2. Heath Bars - Who doesn't like English toffee? This is especially good mashed up in coffee ice cream.
3. $100 Grand
4. Nestle's Crunch
5. Almond Joy
6. Bit O Honey - I have no idea what the little nut pieces are in this, but they're delish!
7. Abba Zaba
8. Almond Roca - not sure if this qualifies as a bar, but it's a favorite from when I was a little girl. 9. Kit Kats - I ground these up in the blender once with milk and vanilla ice cream. Very tasty.
10. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
11. Take 5 - I haven't actually eaten this, but the description on the website sounded great!
12. Twix - I remember when they first came out with these and tried to sell them on the cookie aisle. Yeah, right. It HAS a cookie in it, but it's not a cookie.
13. York Peppermint Patties




Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged. If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Haiku: Impulse Buy

Sixty percent off
A beautiful comforter
With matching pillows!

Less Than Thrilled

Story: "Cold Night, Warm Hearts" by Norma McHenry from the February 20, 2007 issue.

Tagline: The poor cat wasn't the only one who needed tender loving care...

I am currently teaching an online class for romantic fiction writers who seek publication with Woman's World magazine. What follows is an analysis of the story with a mind toward what works and doesn't work for me as a writer, peppered with some personal opinion, too. :)

We've had the lecture on names, so note the author's choice of Loretta. To me that's a solid middle America name, good for a WW heroine with long silver hair.

Did you notice that the majority of this story was telling, not showing? Some telling is necessary with the extremely tight word length, however, I thought this was too much. For me, the story dragged, perhaps because of this. McHenry has a pleasant voice, but if she'd tightened the story a bit, perhaps we could have seen more action.

For example, the part explaining Bill's backstory is quite long. She could have nixed the sentence, "She'd loved that creature." That's clear from the previous sentence. After that, she goes on for quite a while about how much the cat meant to Bill. These sentences and phrases say basically the same thing and could have been condensed, deleted, or combined so that the last scene could have been expanded:

"Heaven knows after she died, the cat was the only thing that had kept him sane."

"The same cat that had been the bane of his existence while his wife was alive had become his best friend after she was gone."

"And three years later, he loved the cat as much as she had."

"That cat had helped him get through the day..."

"And the fluffy one had helped him with his loneliness."

When the story switches to Bill's POV, almost midway, it's abrupt. When I wrote my first stories for WW, I would double space between scene changes, like I do in my novel manuscripts, however, WW does not have the room to delineate the passage of time, change of setting, or POV. The flow of the story would have been smoother if the author had said something like, “At that same moment three miles away, Bill Whitman was frantic.”

I also wasn't crazy about how McHenry maneuvered their conversation at the end to get the cat's name in. It seemed forced to me. It was a great idea to name him after Cupid in conjuction with the climactic moment where Loretta thinks he's married. However, I think it could have been executed a bit more smoothly. If she'd cut more elsewhere, she could have expanded the ending scene, which, for me, was the most dynamic part of the story.

Best Part: McHenry opens with a good "hook": "Oh, for Pete's sake!" Loretta couldn't believe her eyes. We immediately wonder what she's astonished at.

In My Humble Opinion: "And the cat smiled." Oh, my. That brings back memories of Winston the self-aware bear. As you can see, I haven't quite let go of that. Funny how a fictional stuffed animal can so easily become part of one's literary emotional baggage. LOL.

Also, the copy editors missed a typo..."flier" instead of "flyer.

Grade: C

Take a Chance

At last, I've begun a new contest. Anyone who comments on the blog this month is automatically entered to win a copy of my 2007 Eppie Award Finalist book, Losing It. Good luck!

Parental Responsibility

Excerpt from the San Francisco Chronicle article, "MySpace suit dismissed by judge in Texas
Family said site didn't protect underage users" by Ellen Lee
Thursday, February 15, 2007

A Texas judge has dismissed a lawsuit against MySpace that had blamed the popular Web site for not establishing enough safeguards to protect underage users.

The family of an underage girl -- referred to as "Julie Doe" in the lawsuit -- had sued MySpace last year after she lied about her age and was sexually assaulted by a man she met on MySpace.

But U.S. District Judge Sam Sparks ruled Wednesday that MySpace, like other online forums, should not be held responsible for what happened. "If anyone had a duty to protect Julie Doe, it was her parents, not MySpace," he wrote.

Thank goodness someone in the court system has a brain in his skull. I agree that the parents are the ones shirking their responsibility to monitor their daughter. She is 13 years old and she lied about her age, saying she was eighteen. This type of behavior is becoming more common in a society where people won't admit responsibility for their own screw ups. I'm glad this particular judge isn't encouraging more lawsuits like this one by allowing the case to go forward.

Sorry about the serious tone of this blog entry. I'm usually more upbeat and fun, but I feel strongly about frivolous lawsuits, society's tendency to shift blame, and irresponsible parents. Could ya tell? LOL

Thursday Thirteen #2

Thirteen One Time Movies

I often see a movie that I really enjoy, but have no desire to see again, mostly because they were too intense, frightening, and/or disturbing. Here is a list of them. However, some of these are on the list because they sucked so bad.

1. "Schindler's List" - Intensely moving, yet too much to experience again.
2. "Seven" - Way way way too disturbing images. I was picturing the scenes of those homicides in my head for days.
3. "Blackhawk Down" - I felt like I'd BEEN in a war after seeing this movie in the theatre.
4. "The Sixth Sense" -- see comments about "Seven."
5. "The Silence of the Lambs" - I felt like I'd mainlined quarts of coffee when I got out of seeing this movie.
6. "Mystic River"
7. "Braveheart" - Can't watch the end. Nope.
8. "Shawshank Redemption" - The prison violence was just too much for me.
9. "Million Dollar Baby" - What an excellent movie. What an emotional rollercoaster. Once was enough.
10. "How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days" - I have no words for this.
11. "A Walk in the Clouds" A Mexican woman named Victoria. Keanu trying to be romantic. Didn't buy it in a big way.
12. "Doogal" - how can such talented actors do such a lousy job? I'm thinking it must have been the writing.
13. "The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl" - This is what happens with the director allows his children to co-write the movie with him.






Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged. If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Cynical Humor at Its Best

Have you ever seen posters like this one? The quote beneath says, "Take pride in your achievements."
















If so, you simply must go to Despair.com where they have posters like this one.

I think this site is hilarious and I bought the calendar a couple of years ago for my brother-in-law, who loved it.

If you go there, comment and let me know which de-motivator you liked best.

Ga-Ga Over Gorgeous Glass

If you've been to the Bellagio hotel in Las Vegas, you've likely seen Dale Chihuly's work on the ceiling of the lobby. Chihuly is an amazing artist who works with glass. He creates such beautiful things on such a grand scale and I wonder how much breakage he must go through. I can't imagine trying to transport any of these pieces anywhere. Here is some of his work.

Fireworks of Glass
43' high

This is on display at the Children's Museum of Indianapolis. I can see why it's not here in California, The Earthquake State.

End of the Day #2
132" x 72" x 72"

I've actually seen this at the Palm Springs Art Museum. His stuff is so much more amazing to see in person because you can see all the sides, not just one, like in these photographs.

Victoria & Albert Chandelier, 2001
27' x 12' x 12'

I adore the colors of this and wonder how freakin' heavy this must be to hang from the ceiling! Amazing.

Story: "Telltale Hearts" by Veda Boyd Jones

Tagline: Barbara had forgotten how just the sight of Paul made her heart beat faster...

With my online class in mind (Hi, class!), this review will be more like an analysis of the story with a mind toward what works for me as a writer and observations I've made for others who might want to submit to Woman's World.

I notice that Jones keeps the setting vague, mentioning only a "Midwestern city," perhaps in an effort to include as many readers as she could. Readers in the Midwest might say to themselves, as a result, "Oh! This could be me. I live in a Midwestern city!"

This is a classic "old flame" type story. You'll notice Jones set up their history together, especially referring to his intent to "earn his fortune," which comes up later again in conversation. In this type of story, also, you can make the conversation revolve around catching up on old times, a handy way to insert the death of the spouse, divorce, or whatever.

About 2/3 into the story there is a brief "black moment," where you worry for Barbara and whether she'll see Paul again. This is an unusual place for the climax. In classic story structure, the high point occurs much closer to the end, but Jones had no choice, given what else had to happen: Barbara had to find out she had high blood pressure, AND she had to have a reason to wait for Paul. If he hadn't suggested they meet after giving blood, Barbara would probably have left, assuming Paul was going to be busy for a while.

Best Part: "This Paul-induced blood pressure might be something she'd just have to live with." Cute ending! I thought this romantic "illness" was a clever premise.

In My Humble Opinion: "She felt his glance go to her left hand..." I'm not sure about someone feeling a glance. I'd rather her see his eyes dart that way, but that's a picky thing. I suppose you can feel someone looking at you, so...

Grade: B+

Friday Fun

On one of my favorite sites, Romance Divas, they had a thread called "Romance Novels That Will Never Be Written. The posts were hilarious. I may transfer some of them here. Motivated to participate, I wrote a little back cover blurb of my own.

FANG SHUI

When Antonio von Teuth decides to make some major changes, it’s not because of a midlife crisis. Can’t be. He’s immortal. No, his need for an overhaul comes from having just emerged from a rejuvenating subterranean nap. Problem is, a lot has changed in thirty years. So, he transfers all his BeeGees albums to an iPod, sells his Atari on eBay, and hires someone to revamp his castle, because the last time he changed the look of the place, Van Gogh still had both his ears.

Almost broke, diabetic designer Berbera Kharpette jumps at the chance to redecorate Casa de Sanguina because her expertise with the ancient Chinese art of placement is not pulling in customers like she’d thought. But as work begins, she can’t believe she’s having dirty thoughts about a man who…well, smells like dirt and uses phrases like ‘tubular’ and ‘grody.’

Will Berbera be able to get past Antonio’s puka shells and Adidas shorts to appreciate the vamp within? And will Antonio be able to face eternity without ever tasting Berbera’s hyperglycemic sweetness?

Thursday Thirteen #1

I'm trying this new thing called "Thursday 13," where you post different lists of thirteen items. Other people throughout the world are doing the same thing (not necessarily the same topic.) You all link to each other's blogs, creating a community and increasing traffic. I liked the idea because it gave me something to do every Thursday and visiting other people's Thursday 13's gave me lots of ideas for future posts. So, here's my first one.

Thirteen Foods I Couldn't Live Without
1. French Fries - Especially In 'N' Out, and Tommy's
2. Coffee
3. Prime Rib
4. Chocolate - Nice that they're touting it's health benefits lately. Wonder if those studies are sponsored by Hershey's.
5. Ice Cream
6. Mayonnaise
7. Shrimp
8. Pasta - I can do without this for a long time, but I couldn't eliminate it completely.
9. Chicken
10. Popcorn - I CANNOT go to the movies without getting popcorn.
11. Yogurt
12. Potato Chips
13. Salad - I decided I needed at least one healthy thing on this list!



Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Haiku: Aquatic Bummer

My pet fish

makes a bubble nest, and yet

no females in sight.

Delivered to your Door

I like receiving fun stuff in the mail, so I subscribe to magazines. Plus, I'm naturally cheap, so I like getting the magazines for less than you'd pay on the stands.

So here's my list of subscriptions:

1. Martha Stewart's Living - It's kind of pretentious in tone, but, it puts me in touch with my art education/background because the photographs and design are exquisite. I almost never do any of the things they write about, especially the gardening. So, I don't really know why I subscribe. Recently she showed how to organize a basement. Shit, my HOUSE doesn't look as nice as her basement.

2. Everyday Food - I love this magazine because there is always a picture to go with the recipe and the format is small, so it fits in my recipe notebook nicely.

3. Family Fun - I love the craft ideas they have in this magazine.

4. Maxim - There is great wit in this publication, even if it is unabashedly un-PC. I like tapping into the male psyche.

5. Real Simple - Great ideas, even if I'm not quite into the sort of yoga/crystal/New Age tone they sometimes adopt.

6. Woman's Day - I'm new to this one. I'll see how I like it this year.

7. Woman's World - I get this for research, to keep up on what they're buying.

Sheesh. It seems like so many when I actually list them! I think that it's tax-deductible, though.

So, my question is...what magazines do you subscribe to?

Airport Love

Story: "When Strangers Meet" by Violet Blume

Tagline: Julie's vacation was over, but the fun was just beginning...

With my online class in mind (Hi, class!), this review will be more like an analysis of the story with a mind toward what works for me as a writer and observations I made for others who might want to submit to Woman's World.

I thought this story was cute and well-written. The first third of the story sets up the reason she's on the vacation. We get a paragraph summarizing the vacation, then we move back to the current action in the airport. When you want to write short, "telling" is more expedient than "showing," which is the opposite of what they say you should do when writing novel-length fiction. (However, "telling" does have its places in a novel.) So, if you're running long, summarize with narrative.

Note the spare description of the hero--"tall, dark-haired man." That's another way to keep it short. With only a 1000 words to tell the story, you have to move along fast.

Another place where Blume condenses is in the third column. "They both sat down and leaned against the wall. "Not exactly the Hilton," Will joked, "but I'd rather be here..." Here, she deftly smushed together some description/action AND the dialogue into one paragraph instead of two. The less indenting that needs to be done, the better, if you're having a tough time staying within the word count. Also, notice that she could have gone on describing how Will sighed as he sat, his face looking as tired as she felt, or whatever, but we don't have room for vivid description.

Best part: ""I'm only going to St. Louis for a conference. On Thursday morning, I've got to be back at work." He smiled. "At the Art Institute." What great timing. She inserts that smile so we get that short pause before hitting us, bam, with that ending you knew was coming but wanted to see anyway.

In My Humble Opinion: As someone in class pointed out it's highly coincidental that he would be in Miami, catching a flight to St. Louis, but resides in Chicago where she lives. But the romantic in me was willing to let that go. :)

Grade: B+

Yahoo Music

When I write, I like to listen to movie soundtracks because hearing lyrics messes with my writing brain. Yahoo Messenger has a link at the bottom of its window where you can plug into Yahoo Music LAUNCHcast. You can listen to whatever type of music you want. I LOVE this because they actually have a station that only plays music from movie soundtracks! There are a few commercials once in a while, but not as numerous as they are on regular radio. Try it!

Identify With This?

For you fellow bloggers, here's a funny t-shirt.

"I blog, therefore I am."

http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/generic/8f5d/